Tea Pai: the wedding tea ceremony for the elders

Through Tea Pai the couple asks for the elders’ blessing and to be welcomed into each other’s families. The name joins the English word "tea" with the Hokkien word "pai", which means to pay respects.

Outside Indonesia it is better known as the Chinese tea ceremony, or jing cha, meaning to offer tea respectfully.

Hokkien, Hakka, Teochew, Cantonese and Peranakan customs differ. What is written here is the pattern common in Indonesia; the family’s own customs remain the guide.

Tea Pai takes place on the wedding day, often in the morning, though some families hold it in the evening. Whether it comes before or after the blessing or registration differs between families.

It used to be held at the family home. Today many families hold it at the wedding venue instead.

The exact order differs between families. Some begin with the bride’s family, others with the groom’s. A common pattern:

1. 1The couple invites the elders to sit, then bows with hands clasped in front of the chest.
2. 2Tea usually goes to the most senior first: some families start with the grandparents, others with the parents. Then uncles and aunts from the eldest down, and last married older siblings.
3. 3The couple kneels or bows while offering each cup. In many families the groom serves the bride’s relatives, and the bride serves the groom’s.
4. 4Each elder drinks, returns the cup and gives a blessing with angpao or jewellery.
5. 5When every elder has been served, the couple bows once more.

Usually only relatives who are older than the couple and married: parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts and married older siblings. If a parent has passed away, how they are honoured differs between families; MYS follows the family’s decision.

The couple is usually helped by attendants who pour and carry the cups, so the two of them can give each elder their full attention.

Tea Pai tea is usually sweet: black tea or oolong brewed with red dates, lotus seeds, longan and sugar. The sweetness is a wish for a sweet marriage, and red dates and lotus seeds are often linked to the hope for children.

The setting needs a teapot and cups, a tray, kneeling cushions, and chairs for the elders facing the couple.

Tea Pai is held on the wedding day itself. Tingjing and Sangjit come earlier and are about gifts from the groom’s family; Tea Pai is about the couple honouring the elders.

For a Tea Pai, MYS supplies the tea set-up package and styles the ceremony area at the venue.

Tea Pai package

Teapot and cups, pai kui kneeling cushions, a backdrop and the sweet-tea ingredients: red dates, lotus seeds and longan.

Styling

Elders’ chairs, tea table and backdrop arranged so the family and the photographer can see every moment, and can be matched to the Sangjit decor.

Order of elders

MYS helps draw up the list of elders in the order the family follows, so no one is missed. On request, the MYS team can also guide the Tea Pai on the day.

Vendors

The family’s own MC, photographer and make-up artist are welcome. If the family has none yet, MYS can recommend people it has worked with. Recommendations are given only when asked.